The Weird Couple in Bulgaria

Weirdo Magnet

I’m a weirdo magnet. That is to say, if there is a weirdo around, they will find me. This unfortunate fact of life doesn’t change when I travel. All that happens then is that I transition into a wanderlust weirdo magnet. For example, when this weird couple in Bulgaria approached me…

But let’s back up a little bit. If there is a weirdo within my general vicinity, he is coming straight toward me without a doubt. For instance, a few months ago I got on the subway to head to work. Given my destiny to be a weirdo magnet, I loathe riding the subway.

I sat in a seat, minded my business, and kept myself busy by reading my book. Perhaps fifteen minutes later, a homeless man walked down the subway car, ignoring everyone, but BEELINING for me — one of the few people not making eye contact with him.

“I BET YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER THAN ME BECAUSE YOU’RE READING A BOOK, BITCH,” he yelled at me. Ugh. I’ve been on the receiving end of stalking, staring, and being followed more often than I can count, especially in my home city. 

But, in today’s tale, I specifically met a weird couple in Bulgaria.

A New “Friend” in Bulgaria.

My husband and I were visiting beautiful Sunny Beach, Bulgaria as part of our honeymoon trip. Our resort was all-inclusive, meaning drinks and food were included in the price. There was “all you can drink” tap beer by the pool which we thoroughly appreciated. Arthur and I retrieved beers, two in each hand, naturally, and began to walk with them over to an empty table.

“Oh, hello! My name is Melinda. Are you staying at the resort?” We both spun to see who was speaking to us. A smiling, young, GORGEOUS supermodel type woman beamed as she cast her gaze in our direction. A friendly face in Eastern Europe?! What was happening?

“Please, come sit!” She insisted that we join her and so we did. I introduced us both, happy to make her acquaintance. Melinda began asking us how we liked the resort. We gave our opinions on the place and she gave hers. Nothing out of the ordinary. The woman was incredibly friendly and high spirited.

Melinda was from Prague. I told her that I was to be heading to Prague in a few weeks with my best friend on a girls’ trip. “Oh, we must meet up! My husband is a photographer. He’s from the US, he does great work. I’d love to schedule you both for a photoshoot!” I loved the idea of having memories that last a lifetime, especially if her husband was a professional photographer. She eagerly offered up her Facebook information, and I jotted it down in my phone. I didn’t give her mine in exchange. Good thing.

The Man of My Dreams Nightmares

When I pictured this sweet and beautiful woman’s husband, I pictured a laid back young bro. She mentioned that he was originally from Texas and I imagined that he was probably a great conversationalist with a good sense of humor, as Southerners tend to be this way across the board.

So, when she said excitedly, “Oh! There’s my husband,” and pointed a luxuriously long finger at a poster boy for a pedophile, I was aghast. No really, if you were casting an actor who looked like he abused children, this would have been your dude. He looked angry, and immediately he was hiding something. His eyes were shifty and he constantly looked over his shoulder nervously.

Being polite folks, my husband and I introduced ourselves all the same as he sat down. “The beer here is shit, I hate this place,” were the first and only words out of his mouth. My husband is a social butterfly and responded, “Well, I think free beer is the best beer,” in an attempt to lighten the mood, to which the man said nothing and stared at his wife angrily.

The Worst Love Story Ever

“Honey, why don’t you tell them how we met?” Melinda smiled in a way that was completely incongruous to the vibe he was giving off as she asked him to re-tell their love tale. He looked straight ahead and was entirely emotionless as she said begrudgingly, “Fine, I’ll tell the story.” She looked at him with a proud smirk, and began the story:

“He was a photographer at a night club in Prague, and he gave me his number, when I went there one evening. I didn’t want to text him because he was fat and ugly, and I was young. So I didn’t text him. Every time I went to that night club, he would bother me about dating him. A few months later, I slipped into a coma after an accident. I decided to text him after that from my hospital bed, and we got married soon after.”

I didn’t know what to say then, and I don’t know what to say now. Of course this weird couple in Bulgaria would find their way into my life. If you know me, that’s just par for the course 

My husband and I gave each other “the look.” If you and your partner or friend don’t have one, make one for situations like these – or a code. 

TIP: Have a code for getting out of an uncomfortable situation discreetly. Make sure you and your travel buddy know what the code is ahead of time. An example might be, “Shit! I forgot to take my antibiotic, again. Sorry – we need to go back to the room.” 

“That’s a great story, it’s certainly memorable. Well, it was nice meeting you guys, we’re going to go for a swim in the pool,” I said with a fake smile. The husband gazed at us from side to side and did his creepy smirk. “I thought you said the water was too cold when I heard you talking to my wife earlier.” What the FUCK. Luckily, I’m quick on my feet in these scenarios. “HAHA, yeah, I’m eating crow right about now because I’m sweating. I can’t believe how brutal this sun is today.” He just stared at us with his steely eyes. Melinda smiled her biggest smile yet. “Don’t forget to message me when you get to Prague!” 

Fat chance, ya fucking oddball! Melinda and her husband were truly the weirdest couple in all of Bulgaria at that moment – I’m sure of it.

My husband and I agreed that they were most likely involved in sex slave trafficking. I’m assuming she and her husband would have had sinister intentions if I were to give her my information and meet them in Prague. Whether she was his actual wife, in on the act, or a victim, I’ll never know. What do you think?

What I Learned From This Encounter With the Weird Couple in Bulgaria:

• When meeting new friends, jot down their contact information, but maybe don’t give yours away. You can see why above!
• If someone that you meet talks about how much their friend/spouse/partner would like you or should meet you – red flag!
• Have a discreet excuse ready to go for uncomfortable situations. You and your fellow traveler(s) should know the ‘signal’ ahead of time.
• There is no “safe type” of person. Don’t assume that because someone is a couple, parent, female, or professional that they are normal, sane, and safe.

The awkwardness isn’t over! Click here for more!